Broken Masterpieces

June 29, 2007

Another Thin Jesus - The Progressive Jesus

Continuing the theme of discovering more "Thin Jesus's" (check out the No Thin Jesus series) we are going to take a look at the Progressive Jesus. Now, let's first be up front and recognize that the Progressive Jesus is really the Liberal Jesus but Progressive isn't as alarming.

The Progressive Jesus seems to care only about social justice. The idea of salvation is a secondary concern and living a holy life isn't as important as being edgy. The Progressive Jesus mocks people who wear suits to church or only listen to Christian music. He doesn't seem to care about marriage too much and isn't concerned about abortion. In fact, He won't support restrictions on abortion unless folks on the other side stop supporting the death penalty.

The Progressive Jesus really loves people that only go against the grain when a Republican is President. Those are the true patriots because they disagree. He is sending George W. Bush to hell because he hates the poor and is a warmonger. Pulling the American troops out of Iraq is a top priority for the Progressive Jesus; it doesn't matter that the country will be a total mess and murders will be even more frequent without anyone else watching. All that matters is that the evil Americans are out of Iraq.

The Progressive Jesus believes that raising awareness of issues will solve the worlds problems and will cause brutal dictators to become peaceful. All we need to do is call our leaders, put a banner on our web site and have a rock concert. Not only will peace come but the environment will be cleaned up. No real work is really required. It is best that multi-millionare entertainers try and raise funds instead of giving the money away themselves. The Progressive Jesus really can't live without their wisdom. It is really too bad that rock 'n roll and the internet weren't around in the 1930's and 40's because World War II would have never occurred.

Other heroes of the Progressive Jesus are living and dead communists and anyone who takes the side of the Palestinians. For the Progressive Jesus the only thing as bad as America is Israel. Things such as supporting the country you live in is below the standards of the Progressive Jesus. People need to have a view of the complete world as there really aren't good or bad countries as only conservatives are evil. Heck, the Progressive Jesus loves Castro more than Bush because Fidel provides great health care in Cuba.

So we've covered the Republican Jesus and now the Progressive Jesus as we are in search for the real Jesus. He's out there somewhere but I'm not sure where to look next. I know that there are complete religions based on differing views of the "Thin Jesus". I just wonder what box Jesus fits in.....

Posted by Tim at 12:43 AM | Comments (0)

June 28, 2007

One View of a Thin Jesus - The Republican Jesus

One of the things I'm going to do in following the No Thin Jesus series is to define different versions of a "thin" Jesus. The first will be the "thin" Jesus that I've followed for a lot of my life; Republican Jesus. The Republican Jesus is basically the one who is pretty harsh. He is the one who is known as being anti-abortion and anti-gay marriage. He really only cares about getting people into heaven not too much on what we do during the rest of our life as long as we don't have illicit sex, curse or vote for a Democrat. He also doesn't care much about the arts and wants us to only listen to Christian music. The Republican Jesus cares about whether we smoke or drink but doesn't care about the abundance of church potlucks and other gluttonness behavior.

Salvation for the Republican Jesus means going forward and saying a prayer. After that the Republican Jesus expects you to read the Prayer of Jabez and the Left Behind series. From that point a follower of the Republican Jesus will equate the Israili flag with the American flag and will only see the side of Israel. They believe that Palenstinian people need to leave Israel and that God is directing America to help Israel have the Old Testament borders. The Republican Jesus focuses on His second coming and doesn't teach much on helping the poor. The tithe check covers that so nothing else is really needed.

The Republican Jesus also cares only about the Christians on the winnng team of the Super Bowl. He cannot survive without athletes and celebrities who follow Him. He really needs some big-time pastors to get on TV to help Him elect people who follow exactly what God wants them to. If anyone deviates then a vote for the person who is a true believer is required. It doesn't matter if that vote helps to put someone else in office who is even worse. The follower of the true Republican Jesus will vote for Joe Rightwing instead of Rudy Giuliani even if it means Hillary Clinton wins. Then that follower will spend the next 4-8 years hating Hillary.

Regretfully, my "Thin Jesus" is pretty close to what I've believed and followed for a lot of my life. Obviously, that's not the real Jesus. The next "Thin Jesus" to be examined will be the "Progressive Jesus".

Posted by Tim at 12:39 AM | Comments (0)

June 27, 2007

No Thin Jesus - New Series

I'm following the new series at North Coast Calvary Chapel called "No Thin Jesus". To check out the messages and follow along go here. I'll be writing up some entries based on this series. The recommended readings are:

Posted by Tim at 10:19 AM | Comments (0)